George Carlin Jokes

[Dallas Baillio]

George Carlin was a very funny guy. He is remembered for a routine called 7 words you cannot say on TV. Unfortunately his really funny clean jokes and routines are not remembered as well. I'll post some of theses from time to time so that we can appreciate his great humor.

Here we go-----

Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!

If the Cincinnati Reds were really the first major league baseball team, who did they play?

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”

[Dallas Baillio]

And another,

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

[Dallas Baillio]

And one more.

When you think about it, attention-deficit disorder makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn’t a lot worth paying attention to.

[Dallas Baillio]

Four more:

I have an impersonal trainer. We meet at the gym, we don’t talk, he works out alone, and I go home.

People on a diet should have a salad dressing called "250 Islands."

If the reason for climbing Mt. Everest is that it's hard to do, why does everyone go up the easy side?

I would like to open a restaurant, call it the Marilyn Monroe Café, and put hundreds of pictures of Jeff Goldblum on the walls.

[Dallas Baillio]

Is anyone reading these? I need feedback to continue. Or put another way, no feedback means I should stop.

[randallrae]

I read them!

[bcope01]

I don't read them, but they are funny, ha ha ha.

[stevek]

I read them too.
Some funny, some not so funny.
But keep it up. Thanks.

I am a big fan of the readers digest mag and the jokes, and always carry this mag in my BF.
Glad you are back Dallas.
Steve

[Dallas Baillio]

“I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore.”

― George Carlin, Brain Droppings