One Liners
- Dallas Baillio
- Posts: 1181
- Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2006 10:52 pm
- Dallas Baillio
- Posts: 1181
- Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2006 10:52 pm
A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, “I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.”
I have a feeling I should go into the witness protection program. Some of you may be tracking me down with murder on your mind
I have a feeling I should go into the witness protection program. Some of you may be tracking me down with murder on your mind
Dallas Baillio
2001 26RSB
Born Free Leap'n Lions RV Club Member
2001 26RSB
Born Free Leap'n Lions RV Club Member
- Dallas Baillio
- Posts: 1181
- Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2006 10:52 pm
- Dallas Baillio
- Posts: 1181
- Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2006 10:52 pm
- Dallas Baillio
- Posts: 1181
- Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2006 10:52 pm
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
Mitch Hedburg
Mitch Hedburg
Last edited by Dallas Baillio on Sun Jan 12, 2014 11:33 am, edited 1 time in total.
Dallas Baillio
2001 26RSB
Born Free Leap'n Lions RV Club Member
2001 26RSB
Born Free Leap'n Lions RV Club Member
- Dallas Baillio
- Posts: 1181
- Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2006 10:52 pm
- Dallas Baillio
- Posts: 1181
- Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2006 10:52 pm
Here is another by Mitch Hedburg. His routines are on You Tube and an Internet search will find many, many of his one-liners. Be aware that he uses a lot of profanity. Few, if any of his jokes. are sexual however. I've removed the profanity from this one.
I think Pringles' original intention was to make tennis balls... but on the day the rubber was supposed to show up a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid-back company, so they just said, "Cut em up!"
I think Pringles' original intention was to make tennis balls... but on the day the rubber was supposed to show up a truckload of potatoes came. Pringles is a laid-back company, so they just said, "Cut em up!"
Dallas Baillio
2001 26RSB
Born Free Leap'n Lions RV Club Member
2001 26RSB
Born Free Leap'n Lions RV Club Member
- Dallas Baillio
- Posts: 1181
- Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2006 10:52 pm
- Dallas Baillio
- Posts: 1181
- Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2006 10:52 pm
- Dallas Baillio
- Posts: 1181
- Joined: Sun Jul 02, 2006 10:52 pm
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here.
If I was on death row and given one last meal I would ask for a fortune cookie. "Come on 'long prosperous life!'"
Mitch Hedberg
Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry, and that's extra scary to me. There's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run, he's fuzzy, get out of here.
If I was on death row and given one last meal I would ask for a fortune cookie. "Come on 'long prosperous life!'"
Mitch Hedberg
Dallas Baillio
2001 26RSB
Born Free Leap'n Lions RV Club Member
2001 26RSB
Born Free Leap'n Lions RV Club Member